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It's not that simple.

The timing's all wrong.
I believed in all your promises too late,
And now mine mean nothing again.
I carry all the blame alone, and though
I'd never ask you to help me,
I wouldn't fight you so hard
This time.

This time
I believe in everything you said,
But it can't hold water anymore.
The words it took too long for me
To hear are empty and dry,
Cracking and disintegrating,
Because I waited too long.

I won't forget again.

I'll make myself remember you
Until my fingers bleed from memory,
Numb, sore, and too stiff to move.

Paralyzed by this sickness,
The dream swallows me whole,
And it's time to stumble
At your feet, begging for mercy.
Can a prayer be breathed without
Words, touch, or breath?
Lost in my chest, everything
I never dared ask for withers.

But everything I wanted.
You were everything I wanted,
And I turned my face to the forest.

Ignoring all your pleas,
Using you like paper cups,
My stomach is in tetany with memory.
I'll never believe that I deserve you,
Because something this horrible and ugly
Deserves nothing but the cruelty dealt.

In the biting cold, I shiver and shake
And know that this is not just snow.
It's the ash of burning dreams,
An effigy as haunting as any reverie.
A dreadful dream that torments me
For eternity, though I will never complain.
Anything short of hell wouldn't fit.

And now, I finally feel the reasons
You begged me to stay;
They've found a place in my chest,
And if I had ever understood just how this felt,
I never would have left.

Selfish isn't enough. Greedy is generous.
Repulsive, wretched, disgusting:
Still no justice done.

Just know that even in this confession,
I would never protest
If only you would look at me that way again,
For you are every wish
Pouring from my eyes on every night.